The promise of work

Apparently wasn’t a promise at all. For some time m now I’ve been searching for another job. I thought that my work experience and new degree could have opened a door for me. Turns out, I can’t even get an interview. I am careful as I can be about dating myself being over 50 and all. They still ask “legitimate” questions that are designed to do just that.

I’ve about resigned myself to being a cashier for the rest of my employable life.

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Hell: Part two

My brother brought to my attention a way of looking at god. It is a viewpoint that I shall consider. I believe that it IS incongruous to believe that an omnipotent being would even consider us, let alone punish us for possible shortcomings. What shortcomings would be worthy of such punishment. (Theologians can leave their bibles at the door for this one as I am aware the sacrilege of which I speak….)

This page will not achieve what I am seeking to do but I’ll try anyway.

Hell is not a place. It is a prison in a person’s mind and is different for everyone. It is silent torment of voices that won’t go away. Depression that hurts so bad that one would risk it for relief. Possibly it could be memories of perceived wrongs that a person has done. Hell is here, now.

For some there is no peace from it. Does this mean that they deserve being In hell? Is the hearing of voices or feeling of hopelessness worthy of such dire consequences? Hell in this context IS real and painful and a place feared but it is also a prison of the mind.

 

 

Ah, sleep…? I wish!

I have been very fatigued lately and after complaining about it to my dr he sent me to the sleep lab. It turns out that I have apnea. I am all to familiar with it because my wife has it and use a machine at night. I can’t get my machine yet though because Dr was out on vacation and it put him behind so now I’m waiting to hear from them.

I’m pretty sure that being bipolar has nothing at all to do this though, no way.😉 Nor could it be the various drugs(prescription) that I take daily for bipolar, depression, pain and muscle spasms… No way. I dislike being somnolent during the day. It makes just trying to stay active so hard to do. I’ve been reading about being one’s own advocate. It seems to me that it is time for me to be a tiny bit more proactive and we if I can get the ball rolling on the sleep problem. Stay tuned. Updates to come.

Fall

Fall is herethere is that certain feel or smell in the air. The days are markedly shorter and nights, cooler. I like the fall and spring because they are the mild times of the year. I’m into moderation. With all that goes on, mania, depression, anger and frustration, it is nice to sit and just enjoy the day.  (Without burning to a crisp that is)

Even though i like the fall, there is a sadness to it with the leaves browning and falling off of the trees and ultimately giving way to winter. Still there are things to enjoy. BBQ’s, festivals, fishing (if I can get the boat to run) lol I wish! And driving to see the turning leaves.

This is my recording.

I remember the first grave that I visited. My grandmother E asked my Dad to take her to my Grandfather’s grave. I was very young and lived  on a farm so we didn’t go very far or very often so I jumped at every chance to go somewhere. She had Dad stop and she got some flowers. Soon, we were back in the car and arrived at the cemetery.

It took Grandma just a while to get her bearings and she found his stone. I saw flowers on many graves that day and many people tending them. Grand removed grass that had grown up around the stone and then carefully attached the flowers that she had brought. She was a petite woman who was always strong of will, but that day she cried as she was finishing up. She was a spiritual person and insisted that we now or heads with her while she said a short prayer.

Then she started walking back to the car and we were leaving, going back to drop her off at her house. She had regained her composure by then and after the adults had drank a cup of coffee, Grandma thanked my Dad for taking her to see Grandfather on that Memorial day.