My soon to be new smile

Tomarrow i go to the dentist to get mini implants for my bottom plate.I hope that they make eating fun again. I hated to lose my teeth. because of my health at the time, decay destroyed my teeth. Never take good health for granted ,whether it is your heart, hands, guts or teeth, treasure what you have and care for your body. It’s the only one you’ve got.


Physical Afflictions.

For this post I’m going to be selfish and talk about me. Despite the length and breadth of my depression that I’ve dealt with for almost as long as I can remember, it is my physical ailments that cause me the most turmoil.

In my teens and twenties stomach issues plagued me.GERD, and a hiatal hernia were center stage. I suffered silently for a few years until I heard about a procedure called Nissan fundoplication. I know that it doesn’t work for everyone but it was a surgery that I would repeat if I were to be in that much pain again.

Later in my twenties and while at a gun show, I ate a polish sausage. It causes a gall bladder attack that felt like a knife was sticking through me clean through, front to back. That surgery too was worth every minute of post op pain.

Fast forward a while and I ended up with a incisional  hernia. “Easy to fix, I’ll use mesh to close the hernia” is what the surgeon said. I awoke too intense pain that lots of fentanyl wouldn’t touch.I went by ambulance from the surgery center to the main hospital for a CT scan. I ended up in the hospital with an ng tube and some time for the blockage to clear.

When the pain stated,I learned that I had intestinal malformation for which I had a LADD’S procedure to’fix’ . Add to pain constipation that was unbearable. I dealt with that, using every option possible to try to correct it. It got so bad I didn’t go for extended periods of time, sometimes up to two weeks or more.

Desperate, I went to a colorectal surgeon and had a colectomy with anastomosis, meaning they removed my colon and matched up the end of my smallbowell with my rectum. Talk about a life change. Now I go 3-4 times a day or more. Basically perpetual diarrhea now.And I thought that my surgeries were complete.It got rid of part of the pain that I’ve had these long years and I could go!

Unfortunately, not even a year out from this”last”surgery,I am having an increase of pain and have to strain to defecate. A CT scan shows adhesions that is sticking things together. This may mean another surgery if they cause a blockage of my bowels. Unfortunately, more surgery can mean more adhesions.

This is the end of my brief history.Now I’d like to go on to another subject that is related.

An average person probably doesn’t think about going to the bathroom. We are conditioned from early on that even talking about it was nasty. Any references to defecation were referred to as “shit” or dookey or other terms. That is really bad considering that being able to talk about bodily functions as it turns out are very important if something goes wrong.

Something wrong might mean hemorrhoids or a fissure or something just as simple. Other, dangerous things might be polyps or worse, cancer, which can be minimized in many cases by early intervention. That means talking about body function with a doctor.ignoring symptoms such as blood, or pain could lead to be bad.

I dare say that some number of people are so ashamed or embarrassed that even when blood or pain presents itself they will suffer with it until forced by their own bodies to seek help. Sometimes the delay can have consequences.

Damn, this is alright!

This post some may find offensive or crude. If you find bodily functions unreadable;


As some of you know i have small bowel malrotation in addition i have dealt with chronic pain syndrome and horrible constipation. That is behind me now. Last Monday i had a procedure done that has made me a bm rock star! 4 times yesterday but it might just as well have been ten cause I can go to the bathroom.     Just sayin’.



The time draws close

In an effort to maintain control over my own feelings, I’ve been reading posts  on other people’s blogs. I’ve come to realize that time is a factor in the making of, and resolution of, difficult decisions. If one is resolute about making a commitment of most any kind, passage of time will show ones true commitment to a cause.

I find this to be true in my own case. The process of getting treatment stated in June of this year. Due to the radical nature of my own proposed treatment, although frustrating at times, I’m grateful for the time that has passed in order to affirm my decision to go ahead with this procedure.

Having feedback from followers helped a lot. Both negative and positive comments to mold my final choice of moving ahead.

Away from home

Tonight is the last night at home for about a week. We’re going leave our dog home this time. I hope that she and her sister don’t fight. We’ve packed enough stuff for about a month it seems like anyway. Michelle will have to have daily clothes but I’ll be happy in gowns for all i care. Lol. I’m nervous and have a headache tonight but I’ll get to sleep soon enough and we leave for SL in the morning.

With surgery looking in a dawn not so far from now, I’ll admit to being nervous now. But even now, my insides are in silent and still mode. No sounds nor gurgles. Just a dead, heavy feeling, bloated feeling that reminds me why I’m going to do this. I’m tired of feeling like i have to go and yet, can produce no results.

I think I’m going to start a gross new show “the poop show” everyone can call in and talk about the shit that they deal with every day. It’s sure to be a hit. Phone lines will ring and will get Tosh to mc for it. It’ll be epic!

Three days to go

With four days to go, I had a day off from work and we are gathering stuff before the coming event. Michelle will have the bulk of stuff as I will be in hospital garb of the time. I did get a new robe for wandering the halls after the cut up is complete.

I’m still okay nerve-wise. I feel a little apprehensive but still confident that this is what i need to do. The insurance called about assigning me a care manager. It is a free service that i might try out. It’s going to cost a fortune for Mic to stay, even at the housing for families. $60 a night. One place near there used to charge by income and was very reasonable. They’ve changed that now, unfortunate. .. I should have set up a “fund me” account on the Internet.! !

Still i am a little concerned about the ride back. ..they won’t let me out until my innards wake up. .. kidneys, bladder, bowels, like that. I hope that incontinence doesn’t raise is ugly head. Lol we talked about repair of this hernia a previous dr messed up during his”simple fix”. I hope that when this surgery is over then it’ll all be over, no more surgery.

I remember why I chose this course of action. It’s been six days and i hurt. I watch what I eat, volume-wise sometimes i slip eating and don’t miss it. I get sedentary so i don’t need a lot of energy. I do high carbs and protein when i do eat.


Op five days out and counting!

Five days now until i go to SL. I’m having stupid dreams about work and about hospitals. The work dreams aren’t unusual, they happen all of the time. The ones about hospitals is brand new. They aren’t gross or graphic, just routine, nurses coming and going and people visiting. I hope that they stay way. lol

Michelle and I cut the hair off of my chest and stomach because i don’t want patches attached to hair that is crazy to pull off with hair attached! It looks different. The hair hid a lot of scars and stuff.  Plus, it diguised the bloat bulges… I know that he is going to cut along the existing scar and will probably make it longer because of the depth that he to go in order do the anastomosis.

I’m thinking about getting the Dr to take pictures along the way. Lol not really. I have some people’s pictures that they had taken during their surgery. ..not for me. ..what happens while I’m asleep on the table, stays there.

So now, for day minus 5 before surgery I think that’s all. I’m a gonna write again later