My soon to be new smile

Tomarrow i go to the dentist to get mini implants for my bottom plate.I hope that they make eating fun again. I hated to lose my teeth. because of my health at the time, decay destroyed my teeth. Never take good health for granted ,whether it is your heart, hands, guts or teeth, treasure what you have and care for your body. It’s the only one you’ve got.

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Time to do something

I really hate boxing myself into a corner like this.I’ve whined and cries like a baby and guess how far I’ve gotten. Well, you know… Answers to important questions will be forthcoming. A couple of phone calls will start it. One to the sleep lab, who I’ve not heard from in two or three weeks, for one. It’s time for progress.I went through one night and I’m ready to get on with the rest of it. Time to get some sleep! The second phone call is the big one.

First, the surgeon who did the colectomy hardly touched me during my visits to him. He didn’t examine me once before the surgery which bothered me somewhat but..What, I trusted him? Okay so he did the surgery and again, afterward still didn’t examine me… This time, because no doctor here where I live wants to touch me, I will insist on him seeing me or know why. I am having increased pain and with an abnormal CT, I have to have someone to be on my side. My pcp sent his notes and copy of the scan to the surgeon over a week ago. You’d think a person would hear something by now.

After those pieces of business are over, I believe that I am going to look into going back to school for my masters degree. A masters in business should make it somewhat easier to find a job. Although that’s what I thought about when I got my bachelor’s…

That should make for a full day of frustration and madness, so after, I think that M and I will go fishing in the afternoon. I am having bowel troubles but I can always take some loperamine before we go and wear a pad just in case.I mention this because I believe that people should be upfront with what is going on in their lives especially things that cause impact on us.

I may not like answers that I get tomorrow, but I will have answers of some sort when I’m through. It takes a lot these days to get me started nut now is the time.

Physical Afflictions.

For this post I’m going to be selfish and talk about me. Despite the length and breadth of my depression that I’ve dealt with for almost as long as I can remember, it is my physical ailments that cause me the most turmoil.

In my teens and twenties stomach issues plagued me.GERD, and a hiatal hernia were center stage. I suffered silently for a few years until I heard about a procedure called Nissan fundoplication. I know that it doesn’t work for everyone but it was a surgery that I would repeat if I were to be in that much pain again.

Later in my twenties and while at a gun show, I ate a polish sausage. It causes a gall bladder attack that felt like a knife was sticking through me clean through, front to back. That surgery too was worth every minute of post op pain.

Fast forward a while and I ended up with a incisional  hernia. “Easy to fix, I’ll use mesh to close the hernia” is what the surgeon said. I awoke too intense pain that lots of fentanyl wouldn’t touch.I went by ambulance from the surgery center to the main hospital for a CT scan. I ended up in the hospital with an ng tube and some time for the blockage to clear.

When the pain stated,I learned that I had intestinal malformation for which I had a LADD’S procedure to’fix’ . Add to pain constipation that was unbearable. I dealt with that, using every option possible to try to correct it. It got so bad I didn’t go for extended periods of time, sometimes up to two weeks or more.

Desperate, I went to a colorectal surgeon and had a colectomy with anastomosis, meaning they removed my colon and matched up the end of my smallbowell with my rectum. Talk about a life change. Now I go 3-4 times a day or more. Basically perpetual diarrhea now.And I thought that my surgeries were complete.It got rid of part of the pain that I’ve had these long years and I could go!

Unfortunately, not even a year out from this”last”surgery,I am having an increase of pain and have to strain to defecate. A CT scan shows adhesions that is sticking things together. This may mean another surgery if they cause a blockage of my bowels. Unfortunately, more surgery can mean more adhesions.

This is the end of my brief history.Now I’d like to go on to another subject that is related.

An average person probably doesn’t think about going to the bathroom. We are conditioned from early on that even talking about it was nasty. Any references to defecation were referred to as “shit” or dookey or other terms. That is really bad considering that being able to talk about bodily functions as it turns out are very important if something goes wrong.

Something wrong might mean hemorrhoids or a fissure or something just as simple. Other, dangerous things might be polyps or worse, cancer, which can be minimized in many cases by early intervention. That means talking about body function with a doctor.ignoring symptoms such as blood, or pain could lead to be bad.

I dare say that some number of people are so ashamed or embarrassed that even when blood or pain presents itself they will suffer with it until forced by their own bodies to seek help. Sometimes the delay can have consequences.

The time draws close

In an effort to maintain control over my own feelings, I’ve been reading posts  on other people’s blogs. I’ve come to realize that time is a factor in the making of, and resolution of, difficult decisions. If one is resolute about making a commitment of most any kind, passage of time will show ones true commitment to a cause.

I find this to be true in my own case. The process of getting treatment stated in June of this year. Due to the radical nature of my own proposed treatment, although frustrating at times, I’m grateful for the time that has passed in order to affirm my decision to go ahead with this procedure.

Having feedback from followers helped a lot. Both negative and positive comments to mold my final choice of moving ahead.

Three days to go

With four days to go, I had a day off from work and we are gathering stuff before the coming event. Michelle will have the bulk of stuff as I will be in hospital garb of the time. I did get a new robe for wandering the halls after the cut up is complete.

I’m still okay nerve-wise. I feel a little apprehensive but still confident that this is what i need to do. The insurance called about assigning me a care manager. It is a free service that i might try out. It’s going to cost a fortune for Mic to stay, even at the housing for families. $60 a night. One place near there used to charge by income and was very reasonable. They’ve changed that now, unfortunate. .. I should have set up a “fund me” account on the Internet. ..lol! !

Still i am a little concerned about the ride back. ..they won’t let me out until my innards wake up. .. kidneys, bladder, bowels, like that. I hope that incontinence doesn’t raise is ugly head. Lol we talked about repair of this hernia a previous dr messed up during his”simple fix”. I hope that when this surgery is over then it’ll all be over, no more surgery.

I remember why I chose this course of action. It’s been six days and i hurt. I watch what I eat, volume-wise sometimes i slip eating and don’t miss it. I get sedentary so i don’t need a lot of energy. I do high carbs and protein when i do eat.

 

Part of a Study

After four and a half hour drive, I’m here at preop. Such to do about it all. Good to know that they cross their “t’s” also got put into a study for anesthesia care. The study is to see if eeg monitoring can help with delirium after surgery or conciousness during surgery. I don’t want to wake up during, for sure!

The 30th is just over a week away now. My anxiety level is beginning to rise, just a little. After the preop visit I go to see the surgeon. I’m going to ask him about a variation of the surgery called a cecorectal anastomosis vs a ileorectal anastomosis. I hope that he will talk to me about it and whether I’m a candidate for it. I suppose if he won’t at least talk about it, I maybe should reconsider this procedure.

Ok so all is set up for the 30th. We talked about the cecorectal anastomosis  and he explained why he’s doing the ileorectal anastomosis to my satisfaction. While I learn a lot from my fellow sufferers, we are all different and require treatments. I’m glad that I’ve had a broad base of information to draw from. I am confident that this is what I need to do.

 

 

Whirlwind preop journey!

In preparation to go St Louis, we’ve been getting bills lined up for payment before go. We’ve been trying to figure out what to do with our little diva-dog, Spunky. She goes with us everywhere as she is my service animal. On top of everything that could be wrong I also have ptsd due to emotional trama. She is great to help keep me out of the funk and I’m worried about leaving her anywhere. Michelle could keep up there but I’m not sure about the hospital. Leaving her with a kennel is an unthinkable thought for me. Our boys think she is a pain,which she can be, but the little dog means a lot to Michelle and I. And they won’t let her starve or anything but it has me worried.

Other preps are setting up tablets to pay bills online, security for them and stuff like that. We have to make a same day trip to SL preop on Thursday, up and back cause I’m working wed and Friday. …that wanst thought out very well, yes, i can say it, I’m dumb. If I survive that I’m a sure thing for surgery. Really, we used to do 500 mile trips in a day so why would this be different.

Michelle is coming around, scared still, but coming around. The bulk of the expense will be lodging for her while up there. I should have started afund me site. ..lol…or fund her actually. ..ha! Well make it okay though really.

I almost had a second thought the other day then hurt worse that night I had for a long time. I figure it to be karmic debt that has to be paid in advance.

I’ve given thought about after the operation. I’m going to make a list of “told you so” to reference later. You all join me it’ll be fun! We could even make bets on when particular ones might emerge. How about this one. ..”i could stop pooping now. ”

I know it’s gross but what fun ill have.

Enough. Post more later, night!