The colonoscopy sans colon

Yes they will run a scope up into just a rectum. First, he hurts you with the”digital exam”. I know this because i felt it even with sedation. During this part they look for fissures, hemorrhoids, and general tone of sphincter. Next the scope is inserted and things like polyps are looked for inside.

These are the same basic things done in a regular colonoscopy, there is just less to look at. So colectomy does get a scope too.

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Time to do something

I really hate boxing myself into a corner like this.I’ve whined and cries like a baby and guess how far I’ve gotten. Well, you know… Answers to important questions will be forthcoming. A couple of phone calls will start it. One to the sleep lab, who I’ve not heard from in two or three weeks, for one. It’s time for progress.I went through one night and I’m ready to get on with the rest of it. Time to get some sleep! The second phone call is the big one.

First, the surgeon who did the colectomy hardly touched me during my visits to him. He didn’t examine me once before the surgery which bothered me somewhat but..What, I trusted him? Okay so he did the surgery and again, afterward still didn’t examine me… This time, because no doctor here where I live wants to touch me, I will insist on him seeing me or know why. I am having increased pain and with an abnormal CT, I have to have someone to be on my side. My pcp sent his notes and copy of the scan to the surgeon over a week ago. You’d think a person would hear something by now.

After those pieces of business are over, I believe that I am going to look into going back to school for my masters degree. A masters in business should make it somewhat easier to find a job. Although that’s what I thought about when I got my bachelor’s…

That should make for a full day of frustration and madness, so after, I think that M and I will go fishing in the afternoon. I am having bowel troubles but I can always take some loperamine before we go and wear a pad just in case.I mention this because I believe that people should be upfront with what is going on in their lives especially things that cause impact on us.

I may not like answers that I get tomorrow, but I will have answers of some sort when I’m through. It takes a lot these days to get me started nut now is the time.

Physical Afflictions.

For this post I’m going to be selfish and talk about me. Despite the length and breadth of my depression that I’ve dealt with for almost as long as I can remember, it is my physical ailments that cause me the most turmoil.

In my teens and twenties stomach issues plagued me.GERD, and a hiatal hernia were center stage. I suffered silently for a few years until I heard about a procedure called Nissan fundoplication. I know that it doesn’t work for everyone but it was a surgery that I would repeat if I were to be in that much pain again.

Later in my twenties and while at a gun show, I ate a polish sausage. It causes a gall bladder attack that felt like a knife was sticking through me clean through, front to back. That surgery too was worth every minute of post op pain.

Fast forward a while and I ended up with a incisional  hernia. “Easy to fix, I’ll use mesh to close the hernia” is what the surgeon said. I awoke too intense pain that lots of fentanyl wouldn’t touch.I went by ambulance from the surgery center to the main hospital for a CT scan. I ended up in the hospital with an ng tube and some time for the blockage to clear.

When the pain stated,I learned that I had intestinal malformation for which I had a LADD’S procedure to’fix’ . Add to pain constipation that was unbearable. I dealt with that, using every option possible to try to correct it. It got so bad I didn’t go for extended periods of time, sometimes up to two weeks or more.

Desperate, I went to a colorectal surgeon and had a colectomy with anastomosis, meaning they removed my colon and matched up the end of my smallbowell with my rectum. Talk about a life change. Now I go 3-4 times a day or more. Basically perpetual diarrhea now.And I thought that my surgeries were complete.It got rid of part of the pain that I’ve had these long years and I could go!

Unfortunately, not even a year out from this”last”surgery,I am having an increase of pain and have to strain to defecate. A CT scan shows adhesions that is sticking things together. This may mean another surgery if they cause a blockage of my bowels. Unfortunately, more surgery can mean more adhesions.

This is the end of my brief history.Now I’d like to go on to another subject that is related.

An average person probably doesn’t think about going to the bathroom. We are conditioned from early on that even talking about it was nasty. Any references to defecation were referred to as “shit” or dookey or other terms. That is really bad considering that being able to talk about bodily functions as it turns out are very important if something goes wrong.

Something wrong might mean hemorrhoids or a fissure or something just as simple. Other, dangerous things might be polyps or worse, cancer, which can be minimized in many cases by early intervention. That means talking about body function with a doctor.ignoring symptoms such as blood, or pain could lead to be bad.

I dare say that some number of people are so ashamed or embarrassed that even when blood or pain presents itself they will suffer with it until forced by their own bodies to seek help. Sometimes the delay can have consequences.

The crossroad

It should be here somewhere. The crossroad that leads no where. The journey on that road won’t be happy nor pleasant but it will be one there that i will take because I must. I have done things that there was no pride in doing. I did them because i was driven to do them. My journey to here, where I am now, had taken most my life to get here. I wasn’t always the messed up creature before you now.

Before now I still had a colon, an appendix and other parts that are now gone .I also had unspeakable depression that should have taken my life but didn’t and a great deal of confusion, possibly caused by bipolar disorder. Even now I don’t necessarily think of myself lucky to be alive, I just am.

I have longed to find the crossroad way before now. To the road that leads me to a life that I would like to try, one that I have worked at to get. A new job would be a great start. My search has been going on for some time now. Applications sent and rejected over and over so that I think that besides Walmart, there is no other place for me. Sad to think, that. That being a cashier is why I spent four years in school for a Bachelor’s in business. It makes me sad and sick at the same time.

Speaking of sick, I just found out that I had abdominal adhesions which puts me at risk of a blockage at some point. That will be a problem as doctors here don’t want to touch me since I went to st Louis for the colectomy. Maybe I should have had it done here, in retrospect. I’m not sure who I would have had do the surgery. I still have no faith in Dr B. He is the only CR surgeon in this area too, at least in my health system.

Anyway the adhesions are causing me pain now but I still pooh so I’ve got that going for me. A person takes lots for granted, like eating and drinking and breathing. Going pooh ranks right up there. We don’t talk about or even think about pigging out loud until we can’t go or if it hurts. Even then we talk in hushed tones, embarrassed for anyone to hear. For some the embarrassment costs them dearly. Keeps them from seeing a doctor until real problems set in. To go with the adhesions, I have to strain to go which I’m told isn’t a good thing since all I have is small bowl tired to my rectum which could prolapse or recticele creating an outlet problem. And the fecal incontinence is bothersome too. I wear pads because I never know when a leak will occur.

There is more to come. Sorry if there is too much information. I will keep that in mind for a warning next time for those who embarrass easily or have a weak constitution.

 

Looking for a career change

I’ve been looking for a career change for sometime now. I thought with my degree and work history that it would be a lot more simple than it has been thus far. To be completely  honest I’m not sure how long that I’ll be able to work. My ailments are multiplying with no answers yet as to what to do about them.

I do still have a couple of applications out that I would like to be able to see to fruition. I recently found out that I was passed over for a national park job that I really would have liked to have had a chance of getting. Other positions failed as well but I’ll continue on for a time and see what happens.

I’ve even applied for a job that I know that I’m qualified for but don’t really want to do. Paradoxical,  you might think,  but when I became disabled it was from a job just like the one that I had just applied to. My disabilities are both physical and mental in nature and my fairly recent surgery has added a new element in the form of added pain plus incontinence on occasion. Both are more than a nuisance. I hate wearing pads in order to go to work or just to go out.

Next I’d  like to talk about labor law a little bit. I’m no expert by any means but I still feel the need to get it out. First, it’s against the law to discriminate against those with a disability but I haven’t heard how one can ascertain if such discrimination has occurred. For example, if one applies for a position but doesn’t get it, how can it be learned about the qualifications of  the winning bidder? Laws are worthless without some way to investigate possible issues. I am having trouble wrapping my head around this issue.

Sorry about the ramble. This has been in me for some time and I had to get it out.

Retrospect

I miss following fellow bloggers. This last year I’ve been back to work, to try and retain a hold on my life. It been difficult as the problems that I have physically and mentally haven’t gone away I’m just ignoring them using work to keep the pain at bay. It has worked to an extent. I don’t have panic attacks as much now. The pay check is nice too but the underlying problems are surfacing again. Think that’s why  I am back. To see that I’m not the only one hurting and that by sharing problems seemingly insurmountable are, in fact, merely problems that need attention.

Don’t know that I will ever be one to organize any event or cause but I hope that I can contribute here, to listen and learn here. I will undoubtedly complain incessantly but I’ll listen too if one needs an ear.

I am

I am back once again to tell more of my story. Since the last time that I wrote, around the time of my surgery at first of 2016 things have been mostly average. The average day means going to work, try not to soil myself then go home and then, I’m front of the TV. Exciting, huh.

 Recently, I awoke with a new pain and it hurt enough to go to the doctor who sent me for a abdominal CT scan with contrast. I figured that it would come back negative but in fact, it shows adhesions sticking my small bowel to the front wall of my abdomen.  No doctor wants to hardly talk to me about it here so if something needs to be done, I’ll have to go back to St Louis. 

I don’t want to go back to St Louis. I don’t want to do anything about this at all which is my prerogative, of course. Things are still moving mostly and I’m not nauseous so there is no real emergency now. Part of the reason that I don’t want to go back it’s because the surgeon doesn’t communicate very well. He does give me options and explained things that i ask about but goes no further in order to instill confidence.

I haven’t heard from him since my GP said that he was going to send the info and scan to the him. When I do, I wonder what, if anything he will suggest. A couple more tests might be in order but I don’t know what they might be. I will agree to do diagnostic tests but I have no desire for more surgery. The last time that I told the surgeon that, he almost just sent me home because he “didn’t want to put me through any tests unnecessarily” I get that now, I guess. However, l I think that it might be worthwhile to ascertain what areas are involved, whether the adhesion is causing any blockage, and etc. I guess I’ll have to wait to see if he shows any concern at all first.

I knew that the possibility there for adhesions but thought that it was worth the risk. The resolution of the severe constipation did make the surgery worth it. Despite mild fecal incontinence and now, an increase in pain it was worth it.

Now it’s time wait and see what happens. The ball is in the surgeons court.