Opioid bipolar..that’s me

My distrust of authority ┬áhas caused me a world of hurt throughout my life.I’d like to talk about my dependence on opioid prescriptions but fear keeps me from talking about it. I’d also like to talk about having bipolar disorder but I worry about someone using that knowledge against me.so what does that say about me?

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The colonoscopy sans colon

Yes they will run a scope up into just a rectum. First, he hurts you with the”digital exam”. I know this because i felt it even with sedation. During this part they look for fissures, hemorrhoids, and general tone of sphincter. Next the scope is inserted and things like polyps are looked for inside.

These are the same basic things done in a regular colonoscopy, there is just less to look at. So colectomy does get a scope too.

An interview

Next week I go for a job interview for which I am qualified. It isn’t a business job, actually, it’s a technical job similar to what I was doing before becoming disabled.

I hope to get this job. I may know the super over maintenance there at this job. If it is who I think it is, I may stand a chance to get the job.

I am disheartened that of the many applications that I’ve put out, I didn’t get but one interview that was business related.

My next hurdle will be to get into rehab to detox from 10 years of prescribed opioid use. While I still have pain, I need to do this for the job and for myself.

Time to do something

I really hate boxing myself into a corner like this.I’ve whined and cries like a baby and guess how far I’ve gotten. Well, you know… Answers to important questions will be forthcoming. A couple of phone calls will start it. One to the sleep lab, who I’ve not heard from in two or three weeks, for one. It’s time for progress.I went through one night and I’m ready to get on with the rest of it. Time to get some sleep! The second phone call is the big one.

First, the surgeon who did the colectomy hardly touched me during my visits to him. He didn’t examine me once before the surgery which bothered me somewhat but..What, I trusted him? Okay so he did the surgery and again, afterward still didn’t examine me… This time, because no doctor here where I live wants to touch me, I will insist on him seeing me or know why. I am having increased pain and with an abnormal CT, I have to have someone to be on my side. My pcp sent his notes and copy of the scan to the surgeon over a week ago. You’d think a person would hear something by now.

After those pieces of business are over, I believe that I am going to look into going back to school for my masters degree. A masters in business should make it somewhat easier to find a job. Although that’s what I thought about when I got my bachelor’s…

That should make for a full day of frustration and madness, so after, I think that M and I will go fishing in the afternoon. I am having bowel troubles but I can always take some loperamine before we go and wear a pad just in case.I mention this because I believe that people should be upfront with what is going on in their lives especially things that cause impact on us.

I may not like answers that I get tomorrow, but I will have answers of some sort when I’m through. It takes a lot these days to get me started nut now is the time.

The promise of work

Apparently wasn’t a promise at all. For some time m now I’ve been searching for another job. I thought that my work experience and new degree could have opened a door for me. Turns out, I can’t even get an interview. I am careful as I can be about dating myself being over 50 and all. They still ask “legitimate” questions that are designed to do just that.

I’ve about resigned myself to being a cashier for the rest of my employable life.