I’ve gone now from being mad to being anxious, perhaps even scared a little. That might be prudent given the scope of the surgery that I’m now scheduled for on the 30 of November. The colectomy is pretty drastic to be sure but I’ve got to do something proactive to keep myself working and MAYBE relieve some this continuous pain that i experience daily. Mind you, ì hope that diminished pain will be one outcome but the getting rid of the threat of a blockage with no way to clear it is what i want more. This surgery, I believe will help alleviate that danger.
My anxiety levels are high and causing me to have fitful sleep. I go to see my therapist today and maybe he can help me talk this through.
I went to my psydoc today.. good thing too. I was thinking that the stress levels would get me. Almost like the boogeyman only this wouldn’t leave when i close my eyes. This would be a good scary movie, man tormented, wracked with pain that e can’t be rid of only to find a drastic treatment that may or not provide relief. In the story, he worries whether this is the right course of action. hopefully,There won’t be too many twists and turns in this plot though. M continuously reminds me that once removed, my colon can’t be replaced. Guess that goes for my appendix, gall bladder and virginity. Lol
I have run this through in my mind. After rereading my blog entries and the numerous rants on Facebook, I’ve seen a pattern in how my body doesn’t work. The time in my “cycle” is determined by how much I eat and what i eat. That’s in direct correlation to my lack of desire to eat, by the way.
The surgery is a no-brainer. I’ll gladly trade not going bm at all for extended time for going four to five times a day. More unnecessary, unsolicited info to come.