Confused and frustrated

I live in frustration. I find myself depressed and in pain. The only place i can find sympathy in the real world is between shit and syphilis in the dictionary. My left arm hurt tonight. I told M that if i die to just let the county bury me. That or throw me in a ditch and let the grader cover me over with dirt.

I feel like i am on overload. I’m confused and not sure which way to go. Thoughts race by so fast is hard to get ahold of one of them in order to examine it before it Flys on by! When i do catch one, I have doubt about it being the right one and i let it go. I hate relying on others for anything, but then i want someone to do everything.

I’m mad that people i should be able to trust, I can’t.