Hell life

My best is not good enough. I try hard to do good. I am successful most of the time. I’m friendly to people that I meet, a skill that I’ve acquired over the years or of necessity. It would seem that cranky, belligerent people aren’t too well tolerated.

Some day it won’t matter. I’m tired of being sick and in pain. Taking pain meds and now, not having the option of surgery because everyone thinks that it is too radical is out of the picture. Maybe it is, but it would be nice to try something. It would be better than sitting on my hands, but my rational mind knows that they may right. Colectomy is something that can’t be returned from, so there is that to consider.

I wish that there was someone to confide in nearby but that won’t happen for another month. In the mean time I’m just screwed. It’s not that i don’t trust family or friends but i need to talk to someone who can listen without interruption. Then I’ll need to have a place to go if need be afterward.

I’m considering getting medical assistance from the VA. That could very well be a mistake on my part but I’m not sure which way to turn now. When i was going to Fayetteville, my team had an intelligent, caring young doctor. Maybe i can see her again.

Everyone be well! Hell, have a nice day!

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