Depressed!

I had a post written about being depressed but i was so bummed that I forgot to put it up. No matter, I’ve got plenty of shit just aching to get out. Ha! The pill lady changed up some of my drugs. Down a little with seroquel, up some with abilify, and add a antihistamine for sleep. I’m ready for heavy duty drugs, hell, bring ’em on! Of course that won’t happen cause I want them. I remember when writing scripts the thing pdocs did. Ativan, valium and much more was the recipe of the day.

Now, good luck getting what you need just to stay alive. I don’t like doctors too much. Seems like I’m always tied to overbearing, know everything pdocs who prescribe what THEY want not what you need. Plus i think they are crazy  to boot.

I don’t know what is wrong with me. .maybe nothing today. I hate my brain it just doesn’t make any sense. Depressed one day,  souped up the next. .some days I’m almost suicidal, others I’m top of the food chain. I thought that i had the world be the balls. Now the world is stuck in my ass. Fuck this world, I’m about done with it all!

Ok to keep the white coats away,I’m not suicidal nor will i hurt anyone, as far as you know.

I am definately in a depressed state of mind plus i do hate my life. I hurt all of the fucking time and would like to get off of the damned drugs. One of these days there wont be any drugs and ill be up shit creek. Quite the image, wouldn’t you say? It’s a paradox I know. I hurt so I take the pain drugs, I take the drugs and am constipated. Every Dr blames the constipation on the drugs, but I’m pretty sure that there is more than meets the eye but what the hell, I’m just the patient who knows nothing.

On the physical side, do I get the surgery? It might help. It will definitely hurt for a while. My wife doesn’t want me to do it. So much for support. Fuck this shit. I’ll decide what do and then do it.

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