On Being Alone

I’m having a hard time finding truth to tell. I must have written three drafts before getting this posted. Work is the same as when i started unfortunately, I  can’t get my guts to quit hurting. I know this is why i quit working ten years ago but so much time has passed. Moving and lifting crates is taking its toll on me. I hope that i can do it for a while so that i can get the boat into the water. That way we can go fishing. I am going to work on it tomarrow if it isn’t real hot weather-wise. It has been several years since we have gone out in the boat.

The sounds in my head getting more discernable. I hope that i don’t have to quit taking the Abilify. I hate taking psychogenics. My brain is fucked up enough as it is and if they cause many side effects, i don’t want them. Telling the new guy about this recent development is not happening. All i need is to have to go inpatient. The wife would have a fucking cow. I’d end up just wanting to get out by any means just to maintain a semblance of peace at home. I have experienced this a number of times in the past and the outcomes were always basically the same. I’d go in voluntarily, M would call many times a day, every day, and I’d cave in and leave before i would make any gains. It wasn’t her fault as she would get very little warning that would happen. I am trying to own my needs without imposing on others.

That’s enough for this post. I’m still so tired even though i got around 8 hours of sleep, albiet  disturbed sleep. I can’t get away from stupid dreams that are warped and make no sense. At least I’m not working old jobs for no pay all night i started working again.

Good day! I am all alone. 😦

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