Day three at my new job. Twenty-two with abilify…. I’ve become a world-class whiner. It is worse than I have ever done. Going back to work is my idea. Unfortunately, I now believe that this is a part of my disorder. Every blip that i bump over and my brain sends garbage signals out to get me to make an ass of myself.

It is the pits, really. To not have complete control over my actions and what i say. It sounds preposterous really. To be out of control, not being able to stop. It doesn’t hurt anyone. ..well no one important anyway. The excessive talking, the constant moving around is good exercise.  People around me tolerate it, up to a point.

Most people get tired of it and just part company pretty quickly. Some tolerate the annoyance stoicly. A very few people stay around. Maybe they want to see me implode. Maybe they are masochistic and enjoy the rambling noise in a self flagellation sort way.

There is no doubt that i do have a small circle of friends though. They stayed with me for years, advised me, and perhaps wept for me. These people i cherish whenever they come to mind. Without them, life would be so much more difficult.


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