Nervous nighttime..

While I have anxiety during the day a lot, my night psych meds usually ensure that my sleep is unencumbered with shit. Last night was special. I awoke to a medium headache and thoughts bouncing around the inside of my skull like a BB in a pop can. Racing thoughts are a royal pain. Even if you can catch one they are usually indecipherable.

I also  get video too, last night’s was me working a job that I haven’t done in a long time. I awoke with a start, sweating (I always like that part) and unsure where I was. That is part of the disassociative disorder thingy. The anxiety made sure that I was awake for an hour or so even though I was too sleepy to tinker in the net.

My long ago, anonymous abuser was there too. As always, standing in the shadows so that I can’t identify the coward. I can’t remember it even in hypnosis. I always freak just as I’m about to see who it is. I used to think that I would do harm to my abuser. I have daydreamed about it in fact. The problem now is that who ever it is /was might be dead now anyway. Even now, after years of living the nightmare and therapy to get relief, it is still a very big issue.

Oh well, with some luck tonight will go okay. Good night all! Wish me dreams…..


4 thoughts on “Nervous nighttime..

  1. Oh my gosh, it’s amazing to read this, because I have felt all of these things too:
    * night psych meds that usually provides me unencumbered sleep
    * occasional nighttime experiences with headaches and thoughts “ricocheting” inside my head
    * dreams of being abused, often by someone I can’t really see or can’t fully recognize

    I think it’s normal to have these experiences, but that doesn’t mean it’s pleasant or easy. I hope you can sleep better tonight. Sending warm wishes your way! — Q.


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