While I have anxiety during the day a lot, my night psych meds usually ensure that my sleep is unencumbered with shit. Last night was special. I awoke to a medium headache and thoughts bouncing around the inside of my skull like a BB in a pop can. Racing thoughts are a royal pain. Even if you can catch one they are usually indecipherable.
I also get video too, last night’s was me working a job that I haven’t done in a long time. I awoke with a start, sweating (I always like that part) and unsure where I was. That is part of the disassociative disorder thingy. The anxiety made sure that I was awake for an hour or so even though I was too sleepy to tinker in the net.
My long ago, anonymous abuser was there too. As always, standing in the shadows so that I can’t identify the coward. I can’t remember it even in hypnosis. I always freak just as I’m about to see who it is. I used to think that I would do harm to my abuser. I have daydreamed about it in fact. The problem now is that who ever it is /was might be dead now anyway. Even now, after years of living the nightmare and therapy to get relief, it is still a very big issue.
Oh well, with some luck tonight will go okay. Good night all! Wish me dreams…..