Depression in my life.

Depression sucks. It’s been right here with me as long as I can remember. Sometimes it is like being in a dark room, gloomy and sad. Other times it is a overwhelming pressure on all sides, suffocating and painful. There is nothing like battling it. There are drugs, therapists, social workers and doctors to make depression go away.   “Just get over it” was the first bit of advice that I ever got. That worked very well. NOT!! if it was that easy, doctors and drug manufacturers would be out of work. That doesn’t mean that someone won’t suggest it once they get frustrated with a depressed person.

Speaking of doctors, one of my favorite things to do is to tell my story to the next doctor in the line up. Shit, after going through all of the symptoms, drugs, therapies and the list of doctors I’ve seen I usually get to the diagnosis… Wait for it…. Depression! These days, I’m tired of trying drugs that haven’t worked yet, but maybe they will now.. I’m tired of talking to someone new who sooner than later gets tired and bored with my constant repeated complaints. If they think that they are bored with all of this shit, they need to sit in my chair. Somewhere in here I generally get the standard ‘There is no magic cure’ speech where it is implied that I don’t get better because I am resistant and so it is my own fault.

So, what to do, what to do. It would be nice to get it to go away. Cymbalta has been the one drug that has given me some relief. But it is not as effective as it once was. This is what usually happens with these medications, their efficacy wanes over time. That’s the way it goes. People not unlike myself will have to wait to see if something new comes down the pike. In the meantime, I guess I’ll have to get my note cards out.

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7 thoughts on “Depression in my life.

  1. That happened to me for years. My meds would stop working over and over. I have treatment resistant depression. I did research and for the past 14 years have taken a small dose of adderall in the morning. Also helps me with side effect of extreme drowsiness.
    One of the first things my Mom did when I was diagnosed was find a list of 20 things never to say to a depressed person lol. She was awesome. Hope you’re ok!

    Like

    1. … And now, after after all of these years, the doctor is bringing up bipolar disorder.. That’s all I need, a more serious dx and more drugs..hell on earth, literally. I tire of what depression is and how I feel with it in my life.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The subject has been brought up before. I haven’t had the ‘high’ characteristics of being bipolar. Oftentimes depression has been the overwhelming issue. Issues that I have with some antidepressants causing a manic state lately is bringing it to be the topic of the day.. There have certainly been days that I would wish for mania so that I could break surface… Lol

        Liked by 1 person

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